alive
My body is solid, I’m alive or so they say
my mind is in a whirl that keeps spinning round
I put in my favorite tape and press play
I hold the sharp razor to my right wrist
I close my eyes and think only of harmony
the peace I am seeking, imagine serenity
ponder the feeling of being free, out of this misery
I cut deep and close my eyes tighter as I cut deeper
I think of the freedom I am seeking
it races through my mind continuously
I was now concentrating on the razor
I change the cold steel to the other wrist
I take hundreds of pills to ensure my death
as I feel the blood so slick and sticky
oh so much blood, I still have my eyes glued shut
as I feel the blood soaking my clothing I think
It will all be over soon, the blood feels so warm
the heat makes me comfortable within
the best I’ve felt in such a long time
I laugh inside as a smile races across my face
Just then I hear the telephone rings then once again
my eyes open with no intention of answering it
it rings again, I glance down at my wrist
panic arose inside puzzled and so very much alive
I don’t understand, no words to explain
the telephone rings again I pull the line
I should be dying, inside my soul weeps
as I have to face yet another day
SEG
*Most of the poetry posted on my website was written during my teens and twenties. There are a few exceptions but typically I find myself wanting to journal regularly and write poetry if inspired. Poetry has been my therapist during many trying times. I have decided to post these poems because it reflects my history with suicidal depression and the struggles I encountered trying to cope with life and depression.
